Always Check Your Medicine
by Kir C
Summary: Wounded by the third Hokage, Orochimaru decides to speed up his plans, the only problem, he has taken the wrong pills. Now Naruto has to discover how Orochimaru's accident will impact him. Begins just before the Tsunade retrieval arc.
1. Chapter 1

An: Yo, I've returned to fanfiction. It's been a while since I've published anything on this site, literally since before December. To any who have read my other stories and are either angry that I have been silent for so long, or wondering when I will update those stories again, I hope it will be soon. Now, an important detail for this story, I'm going to say that it's a one shot, but, if this story gets a lot of attention and you want me to write more on it, I will be willing to continue it.

This story idea came to me while I was thinking of stories that could involve Orochimaru in some way and I thought... Hey, this could be interesting and it's a great way to shake the rust off of my fingers and there you have it.

Now, please enjoy the story and keep in mind, it's been a while since I've written anything, so there are probably a few errors.

And a quick reminder that this is a one shot for now.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto

* * *

 **Chapter 1: Wrong pills**

A deep cackle sounded throughout the underground hideout as Orochimaru went over his plans, his plan was flawless, it was faster than waiting for Sasuke to come to him and best of all, it allowed him to rid himself of the wound his former sensei left him. Just looking at his useless arms made Orochimaru seethe.

"Kabuto." Orochimaru called. "bring me my pills, it's time that we fetch my desired body."

* * *

 **Meanwhile with Kabuto**

Kabuto let out a disappointed sigh, he was looking forward to seeing the results of a new kind of drug he had discovered, but sadly it looked like he was going to have to wait before he could test it. Slipping a small container filled with pills into his pocket, Kabuto left to retrieve his masters' medicine, entering the room filled with test tubes filled with odd coloured liquids and scrapped pieces of paper sitting on the table, Kabuto grabbed Orochimaru's medication, unconsciously placing it in the same pocket as the experimental drug he was so eager to test earlier.

"Orochimaru-sama." Kabuto greeted Orochimaru as he entered the room. Reaching into his pocked, Kabuto accidentally grabbed one of the containers, handing it to Orochimaru, Kabuto watched as Orochimaru shakily lifted the container closer to his mouth before downing the contents. "Orochimaru-sama, are you certain that this is the right choice. To go back to Konoha now is almost certain suic..."

"Silence. You will not question me on this, Kabuto." Orochimaru hissed. Forcing himself to stand, Orochimaru moved to leave the room. "Now come, we have to get to Konoha before nightfall."

"As you command, Orochimaru-sama." Kabuto replied.

The duo ran in relative silence with the exception of Orochimaru occasionally grunting in pain... odd, it seems as though the medication had yet to kick in, although his vision was doubling and he felt oddly giddy, Orochimaru summed it all up to being excited over finally getting a body with a Kekkei Genkai. Leading Kabuto towards one of the lesser known weak points of the sensory barrier that surrounded Konoha, Orochimaru decided to speed up, the sooner he was back in Konoha, the sooner he could possess his chosen vessel and be free of the pain from his wounds.

Spotting the main entrance to Konoha, Orochimaru came to a stop. "Kabuto, knock them out and make it look like they fell asleep." Orochimaru commanded. "The fewer people that suspect foul play, the easier it will be for us."

Nodding at Orochimaru's orders, Kabuto shunshined behind the gate guards. A swift chop to the back of the neck knocked the duo out, from there all it took was applying some medical chakra to heal any visible marks he may have left and positioning their bodies to look like they fell asleep.

"Where will we go now, Orochimaru-sama?" Kabuto asked.

"You will spy on Kakashi and keep him away from Sasuke-kun's home, where I will be waiting for Sasuke-kun." Orochimaru explained. Not waiting for Kabuto's respond, Orochimaru disappeared in a burst of speed.

Running with Sasuke's home in mind, Orochimaru was slightly shocked by all the odd shapes and colours that appeared around him. 'Is there a festival going on... this shouldn't put a damper on my plans, Sasuke-kun isn't the outgoing type.' Orochimaru thought, before ducking into an alley to avoid a passing patrol.

Finding himself standing in front of Sasuke's apartment, Orochimaru picked the lock before silently slipping in. 'Odd, I would have expected Sasuke's apartment to be larger... and less messy, but it's just as bright and colourful in here, maybe I misjudged Sasuke.' Orochimaru thought as his gaze went from a crumpled pair of boxers resting on an old beat up couch to the bright walls with those same odd shapes that he had seen throughout Konoha.

Making his way to Sasuke's bedroom, Orochimaru glanced at the bed. 'aha, the perfect place to strike from, I'll just hide myself under there and strike when I see an opening.' Orochimaru thought as he glanced at the small space underneath the bed. Lowering himself onto the floor, Orochimaru began to snake himself underneath the bed. 'Now all I have to do is completely hide myself under here and... Dear lord, what is that smell.' Orochimaru openly gagged as he caught the scent of what he would describe as rotten food mixed with bile, urine and cooked in a three month old corpse.

Searching the area underneath the bed, Orochimaru's gaze rested on an old plastic cup, getting a closer look, he realised that it was an old food container. Doing his best to shift the old plastic cup out of the way without spilling it on himself, Orochimaru began to gag again when he caught sight of an old mouldy sock resting in the cup. 'This is almost enough to make me reconsider possessing Sasuke-kun... maybe I should force him to shower before I possess him, Tsunade knows the things I might catch if I jump into his body... Would she know?' Orochimaru wondered as he finally concealed the rest of himself.

* * *

 **With team 7**

"Alright team, we're done for the day." Kakashi announced, his face buried in an orange book.

Naruto let out a relieved sigh as he scratched the back of his head. "Man, today was a long day and that stupid cat didn't make it any better." Naruto muttered. "Hey, Sakura-chan, you wanna go get some ramen with me, it'll be just like a date."

"Like hell." Sakura snapped, shaking her fist at Naruto threateningly before turning towards Sasuke. "Do you want to get something to eat with me, Sasuke-kun."

Feeling a little dejected by Sakura's refusal to go out with him, Naruto resolved himself to get some ramen, after all, ramen was the answer to everything. Feeling sick, have some ramen, need the toilet, have some more ramen, need to brush your teeth, better use ramen, accidentally spill ramen on your clothes, you need more ramen. "Yosh, wait for me, Ichiraku ramen." Naruto yelled as he ran towards his favourite ramen booth.

Swiftly making his way through Konoha, Naruto was immediately halted by a sign posted just outside of Ichiraku's ramen. "Closed until tomorrow." Naruto read aloud, his mood going from ecstatic to soul crushingly destroyed within seconds. "Aww man." Naruto sighed before he remembered something, he still had ramen at home and although it wasn't as good as Ichirauku's, it was still ramen.

Rushing towards his home Naruto stopped to take a moment to catch his breath, who knew sprinting across the village at top speed to get some ramen could be tiring. Opening his front door, Naruto didn't notice that the door was already unlocked. Placing a cup of ramen in front of his kettle, Naruto let out a yawn. "Mmm, man, I must be tired, I guess I could change into my pyjamas so long, the kettle will still take some time to boil." Naruto mumbled, reasoning that he could eat his ramen in bed.

Orochimaru grinned once he heard Sasuke enter his apartment, soon, soon he would have a body with the Sharingan, soon he would be able to copy jutsu within a moment, soon, very soon. Opening his mouth, Orochimaru got ready to possess his new vessel and nothing was going to stop him, not the odd colours, not the weird shapes and definitely not the slithering socks and dancing boxers that mocked him, nothing. Seeing a figure stand in the doorway, Orochimaru waited for the perfect moment, the figure stretched and yawned, there.

A monstrous snake like being shot out of Orochimaru's mouth, leaving behind the remains of his old wounded body, allowing the new, monstrous form of Orochimaru to land in its targets mouth, swiftly slithering down its unintended victims throat, Naruto Uzumaki.

Naruto choked as he felt something slither in his mouth. Falling to his knees, Naruto gasped for air once the thing had fully gone down his throat. "Wh... What the fuck." Naruto muttered before he felt it squirm inside of him. Groaning with pain as his chakra felt like it was on fire, Naruto swiftly lost consciousness.

Now ordinarily, Orochimaru possession would have ended with him being in control of the vessel, but due to a variety of factors, from Orochimaru himself being under the influence of an experimental drug, Naruto being the kyuubi Jinchuriki, the seal resting on Naruto's stomach, Naruto having an overwhelming amount of Chakra and Naruto being Ashura's transmigrant, Orochimaru found himself being absorbed into Naruto's monstrous life force. Orochimaru was becoming a part of Naruto.

Naruto let out a groan as light shone on his face, blearily opening his eyes, he was surprised to find that it was morning already, the last thing he remembered was... what was it, he was making ramen and then he was choking. Did he choke on his ramen again? No, that can't be it, there's no one around that could have resuscitated him. Then what happened? He went into his room and then he woke up on the floor.

Pushing himself off of the floor, Naruto let out a content sigh, it was good to have his arms back... wait, he's always had his arms, why would he think that. Naruto shook his head in an attempt to clear it, shoving his hands in his pockets in an attempt to look for clues, Naruto found a piece of paper. "Hmmm, what's this." Naruto muttered. "A coupon for one free ramen, this is awesome, dattekuku." Naruto cheered, before pausing. "Kuku? The hell, maybe some ramen will help fix me."

Slowly walking towards Ichiraku's ramen, Naruto glanced around the street he was walking down, oddly feeling cautious of the numerous Shinobi that were helping repair the damaged buildings. The sight of the Hokage's faces carved into the mountain filled Naruto with an odd feeling of wanting and hatred. "Man, what's wrong with me?" Naruto whispered to himself.

Naruto grinned once he caught sight of Ichiraku's ramen. Sitting in his usual seat, Naruto placed his ramen coupon on the counter. "Good morning Teuchi, I'll have one pork ramen please... oh, and could I have some extra eggs." Naruto asked politely.

"Sure thing sir." Teuchi replied, not looking away from his boiling noodles. Grabbing a bowl, Teuchi added the broth, noodles and pork to the ramen, before adding a few extra eggs. "Here you go sir..." Teuchi began, but paused when he couldn't find the person that ordered the ramen. Glancing at the seats around Naruto, Teuchi's gaze landed on Naruto. "Oi, Naruto, did you see a customer come here, he sounded a bit like you, but he was polite."

"No, that was..." Naruto managed to say before Teuchi interrupted him.

"That's odd, do you think it was a kid playing a prank on me... Oh well, I guess it doesn't matter." Teuchi muttered. "Do you want this bowl, it looks like the other customer already paid for it." Teuchi asked, his gaze flickering from Naruto to the coupon that rested on the table. Before he gave Naruto any time to respond, Teuchi placed the bowl in front of him. "So odd, do you reckon it's a new type of prank, they confuse you by paying for a meal they ran out on?" Teuchi asked. Not giving Naruto any time to reply, he continued. "Well, I guess their prank works... I guess I just don't understand kids nowadays." He finished, before he decided to stir the broth again.

Unsure of what Teuchi was talking about and not really wanting to know, Naruto began to eat his ramen. A few moments later, Naruto stopped eating to glare down at his bowl, something was seriously wrong, how did Naruto know, he was only half finished with his bowl and it was only his first bowl. Before he could attempt to eat the remainders of his bowl, Naruto froze, the hairs on the back of his neck stood up as he felt for some reason that he was in danger.

"I came here, since I heard that you only eat ramen." A voice oh so familiar said.

"Jiraiya." Naruto yelled as he jumped out of his seat.

"Hey, you used my name for once, but you forgot to add a sensei to it." Jiraiya began. "But you know what they say, one step at a time.

Taking a moment to calm himself down, Naruto sat back in his seat. "So, why were you looking for me?" Naruto asked

"We're gonna take a little trip, there's someone I need to find." Jiraiya replied. "Now let's go, you still need to pack and I'm kind of in a hurry."

"And just who will we be looking for?" Naruto asked cautiously.

"One of my old teammates, I want to ask her a few questions." Jiraiya said, not noticing Naruto twitch at the word teammate. "Yeah, she's really hot so it shouldn't be hard to recognise her, but she doesn't like to stay in the same place for too long, so we'll have to move fast."

'Tsunade, she's the world's greatest living medic, if there's something wrong with me, she should be able to fix it... How the hell do I know these things?' Naruto thought. "I will accompany you to finding Tsunade, just give me a minute to grab a few things." Naruto announced, having completely forgotten about his ramen, Naruto raced towards his apartment, leaving Jiraiya alone.

" _I will accompany you?_ Who talks like that." Jiraiya asked himself. "I guess I'll meet up with him at his apartment."

* * *

An: And that's the story, if you like it and want me to write more, please review. I don't want to force you to review or like or follow, but I will say that when I see that people are interested in what I write, it makes me want to write more, so the more people that do that, the more I will probably write... And I'm not saying that I'm holding a story hostage for more reviews, I've seen awesome stories die because the author wanted something like a hundred reviews per chapter. All I'm saying is that a few reviews here and there along with a like and follow goes a long way.

Man, my internet connection's been going slow, the other day it hit an all time high speed of half a kb

Thank you for reading.

Kir C out.


	2. Chapter 2

An: Yo, I'm back again and look, I wrote a second chapter to this story, I was going to leave this alone for a while and write some of my other stories, but I just couldn't stay away, Orochimaru is one of my favourite characters and what I have in mind, well, I just couldn't stay away from this story.

Anyway, here's the second chapter, I would have had it out sooner, but I got caught up watching Devilman Crybaby and... well... it was okay, not really my cup of tea, and the final villain had me slightly confused, well not really confused, I knew what was going on, but, well... you know... to quote TFS Hellsing, 'Return of the why boner.' Well not exactly, but something like that.

Anyway, this story shouldn't be too long, I don't really see it going further than ten chapters, but I was thinking about dragging it into a crossover, maybe Highschool dxd... could you imagine it **Narutomaru** or is it **Orochito**... well anyway, Naruto/Orochimaru going into the highschool dxd world, I was also considering Monster Musume... let me know what you think.

Anyway, thanks for taking the time to check this story out, please leave a review and maybe a follow and if you've gotten that far, you might as well favourite... oh and if you favourite, you could also check out my other stories... no... I've gone too far you say, well okay.

 **Disclaimer: To whom it may concern, I do not own Naruto.**

* * *

 **Chapter 2: Dangerous encounters**

Seven Kunai, twenty three Shuriken, Five explosive tags, two mesh armour shirts, two pairs of pants, two pairs of boxers, a couple of sealing scrolls, A fifteen meter spool of steel wire, a battered backpack and his trusted wallet, Gama-chan sat on Naruto's bed. His current supplies would do for now, but he would need to get new equipment soon.

Placing his weapons along with his wallet in the pouch strapped to his leg, Naruto moved to seal his clothing, before pausing... Those wonderfully awesome hideously bright orange target on your ass pants. "Damnit." Naruto hissed, kicking the edge of his bed, incidentally knocking over the rancid remains of an old cup of ramen with a sock in it, spilling it next to Orochimaru's old wounded body.

The sooner Tsunade found what was wrong with and fixed it, the sooner he could get back to being Konoha's number one ramen obsessed... kekkei genkai obsessed? Shaking his head, Naruto swiftly finished packing his bag. The sooner he found Tsunade, the better. Ready to begin his search for Tsunade, Naruto opened his front door, he found Jiraiya walking towards his apartment.

"Damn brat, you packed up fast." Jiraiya whistled. "Your bag seems a little light... you sure you have everything you need?" He asked, his eyes on Naruto's mostly empty bag.

"I sealed them." Naruto replied as he locked his door. "So, where is Tsunade currently located? How long has she been there? Do you think that she will stay where she is for a few days, because if she does, night time is the best time to strike...err, I mean meet up with her." Naruto said eagerly, a sadistic gleam entering his eyes for a moment.

"Easy there kid, we're still a while off from finding Tsunade." Jiraiya began, gesturing for Naruto to follow him. "Don't worry, we should be able to find her in a week or two." Jiraiya added, not noticing the worried look that flash across Naruto's face.

Silently falling in step with Jiraiya, Naruto was worried. Whatever happened to him... Whatever was happening to him was happening fast, starting the night before, when he lost consciousness to now, a few hours since he woke up. If he was going to have to wait a few weeks until finding Tsunade, then he was going to have to do his best to prevent his condition from worsening... Shit, he didn't have any access to medication that could possibly help, nor did he know of any other possible means to help his possibly worsening condition... unless... Perhaps he could do something with seals, but he didn't know anything about seals, did he?

"Identification and reason for leaving Konoha." A male voice startled Naruto from his thoughts.

"Oroch..." Naruto absentmindedly began, but paused when he noticed Jiraiya begin to hop on one foot.

"From the east to the west, everyone knows my name, Enemies fear me and women fear to be without me, Sage to the toads, one of the three legendary Sannin, Jiraiya." Jiraiya announced, striking a pose. "That's me baby."

"Uzumaki Naruto." Naruto said, identifying himself once he realised Jiraiya was finished.

"And reason for leaving." The man asked, writing down their names.

"I'm just taking my apprentice out for a short training trip, it shouldn't take longer than a month." Jiraiya replied, keeping the real reason they were leaving a secret.

"Very well, you may go through." The man said, having

Walking through the gate, Naruto raised an eyebrow when he noticed the usual gate guards sleeping in their seats. 'Odd, they should have woken up already... unless someone knocked them out again.'

Naruto let out a relieved sigh once he walked through the sensory barrier... odd, it's almost as if he felt threatened in his own home... no, wait, how did he know where the sensory barrier is... how did he even know there was a sensory barrier. Doing what he had done with all the odd thoughts he recently had, Naruto shook his head and resolved himself to forget about it.

"Oi, Naruto, let's take a break here." Jiraiya said, entering a small shrine.

Watching Jiraiya sit down on one of the steps, Naruto couldn't help but feel a small amount of annoyance, they were supposed to be looking for Tsunade, not sitting around eating lunch. "Jiraiya." Naruto all but hissed. "Couldn't you have eaten that while we walked, every moment we spend messing around, we lose possible leads to finding Tsunade."

"Naruto, you need to relax every now and then, no one lives forever, if you try and rush everything, you might just rush life." Jiraiya replied.

'I will live forever.' Naruto thought, before shaking his head. "That's just the thing, I don't know how long I've got left." Naruto paused to take a breath. "Something's wrong with me, Jiraiya. When I woke up this morning, my body felt different... as if it's not my own and I'm having weird thoughts. That's why I want to see Tsunade, if anyone can fix me, it's her."

Jiraiya nodded sagely as he listened to Naruto. "Naruto." Jiraiya began, showing his rare serious face. "I believe I know what's happening to your body and let me tell you this, no medic in the world will be able to help you, not even Tsunade."

"But...But she's my only hope." Naruto stuttered, before turning to glare at Jiraiya. "There's no way that you would know that Tsunade couldn't help me." Naruto hissed, feeling an old anger seep through his veins.

"I know, for I too was afflicted by this condition. All men have this condition." Jiraiya added. "Your body changes, hair grows in odd places, you start to think differently, often noticing the opposite sex and you will smell differently. Yes, Naruto, I know what you are going through. You are have the condition known as puberty, a time of change for young men." Jiraiya explained, immediately halting Naruto's anger.

"What?" Naruto muttered, not knowing what to make of Jiraiya's analysis. "You know what, never mind... I'll meet you in Otafuku village." Naruto announced, not wanting to deal with Jiraiya whom was explaining puberty in detail.

"Wait, Naruto, I still haven't explained the different ways Henge can be used while having sex." Jiraiya yelled, chasing after Naruto's retreating form.

Naruto let out a tired sigh as he entered Otafuku, while he had initially avoided Jiraiya, he was no match for the Sannin's speed and thus subjugated to a long lecture about the uses of Henge. It probably would have been quicker to just listen to Jiraiya's lecture back at the shrine with some of the things Jiraiya had to repeat.

* * *

"And that's why it's not incest, selfcest or bestiality while under a Henge." Jiraiya finished. "Is there any part that you would like to go over?"

"NO, no, I believe every question I didn't want answered has been answered." Naruto said abruptly, having sadly been forced to listen to everything Jiraiya had to say, lest Jiraiya be forced to repeat himself and use socks puppets to demonstrate what he was explaining, like that one time during the third Shinobi world war... He still didn't know where Jiraiya got those puppets.

Walking down the main road of Otafuku, Naruto could honestly say it was an odd place. Filled with a variety of people, all of whom were looking to have a good time, from drinking, gambling or even entertainment through basic chakra manipulation, Otafuku had something for everyone... well almost everyone, give Naruto a laboratory and some interesting specimens and he would... Bad thoughts Naruto, just shake them off.

"Naruto." Jiraiya called from an Inn. "We're staying here for today."

"Are you serious? It's still quite light, we could probably make it to another village if we moved a little faster than walking." Naruto replied as he entered the Inn. It truly seemed as if Jiraiya was more interested in having a good time than actually finding Tsunade.

"True, but we first need to know where she is." Jiraiya said, immediately dampening Naruto's mood.

'He doesn't even know where Tsunade is, he can't expect to just bump into her can he. Think Naruto, what do we know about Jiraiya... He's one of the legendary Sannin, he's a pervert of the highest degree, he can summon toads, he trained that job stealing bastard... err, the fourth Hokage, he's a spymaster, that's it!' Naruto thought triumphantly.

Hearing the sound of high heels tapping the floor, Naruto turned to see who was coming. Naruto felt slightly unnerved when the woman stopped by the door, it wasn't that she was intimidating, no, it was something more subtle. For the average ninja, spotting the odd thing about the woman would be difficult, only medics and those in the intelligence division or medical squad would notice that the woman's eye's were dilated... now eye dilation wouldn't be odd if the woman had been drinking or using drugs, but if she had been doing that, she wouldn't be moving as flawlessly as she just had, no, something was off about the woman, she was either under some kind of control like that of a Yamanaka technique, or she was under a powerful genjutsu.

"Naruto." Jiraiya began, drawing Naruto's attention towards him.

"I know, Jiraiya, whoever thought we would fall for that must have thought we are idiot..." Naruto replied.

"Here." Jiraiya said, handing Naruto the keys to the room. "Go upstairs, practice your chakra control, train, then go to sleep." Giving Naruto no time to argue, Jiraiya rushed after the woman.

If he could, Naruto would yell every insult he knew at Jiraiya, but that would draw attention to the fact that Naruto himself was aware of what was going on, thus removing his element of surprise. Deciding to make it look as if he was following Jiraiya's instructions, Naruto headed upstairs, with each step, he could feel his paranoia growing. Slipping his hands into his pockets after discreetly grabbing a hand full of shuriken, Naruto finally reached the top step... it seemed that whoever was controlling that woman wasn't after him, but rather Jiraiya... or they were still heading towards him, possibly scoping out the area.

Once he entered his room, Naruto took a few breaths to calm himself down. For some reason, Naruto felt unusual, if he had to describe how he felt, the best description would be bloodlust... but not the bloodlust that Gaara or even Zabuza had, the kind of bloodlust that made him feel like he would be getting a new toy to play with... although it wasn't unusual to feel like that, after all, he was one of the most dangerous people in the world.

Stationing himself by the window, Naruto sat quietly as he waited for any signs of a threat. Minutes passed without any signs and Naruto was beginning to think that he might have just been a bit overly paranoid, perhaps that woman had taken some new kind of drug, something that doesn't cause any side effects, perhaps... red clouds. Naruto caught sight of two people dressed in cloaks with a very familiar red cloud pattern on it. Shit, shit, shit, why were they here, had Akatsuki finally found him... and it happened when his body was at its weakest. He had to come up with a plan, and fast.

"Kage Bunshin no Jutsu." Naruto muttered, creating a single clone. Pulling the back of the clones shirt up, Naruto began to carefully attach the explosive tags he had stored in his pouch. Sending the clone to wait on the bed, Naruto went back to the window, catching sight of the Akatsuki once more, Naruto waited for them to enter his building, before he quietly opened the window. Climbing out of the window, Naruto carefully closed it before giving his clone a nod.

Dropping down, Naruto landed silently, he needed to find a place that those Akatsuki members wouldn't find, but where could he do that, the streets were filled with people, what should he do, if he stayed near the hotel, he would most likely be killed by the Akatsuki duo, perhaps he could blend with the crowd, hide in an inn, leave town, leave the country, kill the Akatsuki, find someone to kill the Akatsuki for him. This isn't the time to be thinking of all these things, firstly he would have to hide from the Akatsuki, they were looking for a blonde haired orange wearing loudmouth, so he would have to change that.

Recalling a clothing shop he had seen near the entrance to the town, Naruto snuck through the crowds. With each step he took, his chance of survival increased... soon, soon he would be safe and sound, then he could get to working on his dream of becoming Hokage, changing the laws, gaining access to prisoners, experimenting on said prisoners... No, bad thoughts... were they really, were they really bad thoughts, what's so bad about furthering his ambition at the cost of those who were seen as bad, is it bad to kill those that are bad while doing something for yourself, what defined bad, bad is an idea thought up by those in power, did bad exist, if it didn't, does that mean good doesn't exists. Aaand Naruto officially had a headache.

Naruto clutches his head as his headache worsened, he needed... he needed to get out of here, find somewhere safe. Closing his eyes for a moment, Naruto stumbled down an alley between two hotels. Leaning himself against the alleys wall, Naruto slid into a sitting position. Whatever was happening to him, it had to pass soon or he might be found by those Akatsuki members, but would the pain pass, maybe this was the climax of whatever was happening to him, was he going to die here, in a alleyway covered in trash in an annoying village with people that were entirely too loud, yelling out his name like that... no, he wouldn't die here, he was going to uncover the truth of this world... he would obtain everything... he would... he would be slapped in the face.

"NARUTO." Sasuke yelled as he slapped Naruto through the face again. "DID HE DO THIS TO YOU? WHERE IS HE?"

"Huh!?" Naruto muttered, not sure of what to make of the situation. It seemed that his headache had disappeared, but why, was it the sting of the slaps, perhaps it had something to do with chakra, wait, why was Sasuke still slapping him. "That's enough." Naruto announced, catching Sasuke's fifth slap.

"Where is he, Naruto?" Sasuke asked. "I need to find him, I need to kill him, tell me where Itachi is."

Letting go of Sasuke's hand, Naruto stood up. 'If Itachi was one of those Akatsuki members and Sasuke plans to face him today... well, Sasuke will probably die. I can't let that happen, he's my precious vessel... I mean teammate.' Nodding to himself, Naruto resolved himself to lie. "He's..." He began, but paused when a loud explosion sounded through the village. "He's definitely nowhere near that explosion." Naruto said, having realised Sasuke would head towards the explosion in hopes of finding Itachi.

"ITACHI!" Sasuke yelled as he sprinted towards the explosion.

"Damnit." Naruto hissed, it seems he would have to face Itachi if he wanted his revenge happy teammate... vessel to survive.

* * *

 **Hidden sound base**

Sweat poured down Kabuto's face as he panted loudly, what went wrong, why was Sasuke still... well Sasuke, he should be Lord Orochimaru by now, Orochimaru couldn't have failed, so what went wrong. Removing the few Kunai and Shuriken that the Anbu had managed to pierce him with, Kabuto let out a sigh, why was the village on such a high alert, it can't be that they found Lord Orochimaru, Kabuto couldn't even find him.

Hearing something clatter to the ground, Kabuto glanced down, what was that, it appeared to be Lord Orochimaru's medicine, but he gave those to Orochimaru before they left... Unless. Kabuto paled as he realised his mistake, he had to do something, finding Lord Orochimaru was the first thing he had to do, but how would he do that... He would have to think about this, one wrong move and he could get Lord Orochimaru killed.

* * *

 **Omake**

 **With the clone in the Inn.**

Naruto's clone sat quietly on the bed as he watched the original escape through the window, the clone had two objectives, stall the Akatsuki for time and the second objective, kill them if possible... but how would he do that, he was just a clone with explosive tags on his back, how was he supposed to kill S-rank Shinobi, he was just a genin damnit.

Hearing a knock on the door, the clone sighed, the original didn't have much hope if the clone couldn't come up with something, but what were they good at, playing pranks, annoying people, creating clones... wait, annoying people, that could work.

Opening the door, the clone immediately caught sight of who the Akatsuki sent after him. Hoshigaki Kisame, missing-nin from Kirigakure no sato and Uchiha Itachi, missing-nin from Konohagakure no sato. Squinting at Itachi, the clone hid a smirk. "Well, aren't you a sight for sore eyes." At Kisame's chuckle, the clone decided to continue "I mean, I can't believe what I'm seeing, it seems they got my order wrong, I asked for female prostitutes... Although you do have a slim build." The clones eyes drifted up and down Itachi's body. "Say, how would you be opposed to dressing in a school girl costume, I'll pay you extra if you call me Sensei." The clone smirked when it noticed Itachi begin to twitch. "How about it, you have the long hair for it too... Just think about it, this way you don't have to go back and tell your pimp that he fucked up... you could avoid that painful pimp slap that you're sure to get if you don't bring him his money."

"He has a point, Itachi, you wouldn't want to anger our pimp, you know how much of a pein he can be." Kisame said, his arms folded across his chest.

Slapping his hand to his forehead, Itachi let out a pained sigh. "Not you too."

The clone smirked as it watched the duo bicker, with Kisame playing along and Itachi wanting to get the mission over with, it seemed he had definitely bought the Original some time.

* * *

Well, that happened... Please follow, favourite and review. If you didn't read my long Author note at the top, let me just put what I want to ask all of you in this note, I was thinking about crossing this over when the story is finished with Highschool dxd or Monster Musume, would you be interested in a morally grey, kind of evil, but not in the classic "I'm gonna do this for no reason, but evil/ Everyone is an asshole and evil so I'll kill them all." Kind of way, but more of the Orochimaru way. "Do you want power/ Let's make a deal/You intrigue me." Well, that, but not fully evil. Tell me what you think.

Kir c


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